Monday, January 30, 2012

Confessions Of A First Bencher.. [Repost]


[This is a repost. This also happens to be one of my favorite posts. When Atrocious Scribblings suggested I do a repost, I did not think twice. So here is the post for a re-read]

Back Bencher Consortium(C):Now Now…What would a First Bencher (read the geek, nerd, book worm...) have to confess? We have all read the chronicles from Last Benchers...
And My My they are very interesting. But then if you ask my opinion first benchers are a bunch of bumble bees who just sit around so that the professors don't feel bad..
They just sit and sit and sit, eyes wide open, nodding there heads as if they understood every single word said and is blessed by the newly acquired knowledge. Worse? They ask questions. Not that we mortals are attentive to lectures( we are away, far far away dreaming and catching up some sleep after the late night movie marathons...)..You do not get a word of what they are talking about (you feel you were just teleported to classroom just this second) and they have inevitable spoiled a good day's slumber...
Despicable creatures!!!

ME (Representative, World First Benchers Welfare Organisation. WF(W)O):
Whoah!!!So many allegations. Such a personal attack on a community which never bothered to compete for the much sought student territory of back seats?? Now the time has come for the truth, the revelation. Time to cleanse us of the malicious charges.
Let me confess. I am a frontbencher (Oh!The despicable me!). Yes. Someone who always sat right in the front of any class attended. But not even for once be beguiled by my intentions and my poker straight face. See it was never a choice and allow me to explain.

1. I am short. Which means some times I cannot even see the tutor let alone check which direction the tutor is looking before I can attempt any of my not-so-authorized-activities in the class.

2. And more than often tutors tend to concentrate on the backbenchers than us the "poor-nerds"...Or may be not. But being in first bench gives us the unique vantage point for the tutors movement allowing us better opportunities to fun..

3. Once when I was very late to class, I happened to get the last but one bench...After the class I had a handful of tiny paper balls on my pony tail and two miniature paper rockets. I was the butt of the joke that day for the Backbenchers. I heard one of them had applied for NASA...I'm pretty sure he'll get through from the preciseness of the rocket launching he had done the other day...

4. Again couple of times when I landed up in the last seat. I smiled at the prospect with a wickedness that matched Tom's(from Tom and Jerry)..But on each occasion I was hauled right on the stage near the board to solve difficult problems; right in front of the class...These evil things happen only when I sit at the back bench.

Oh ya call me superstitious !!!


5. And Hello non-front bencher!!! We are not nodding our heads in acknowledgement with the tutor we are dozing off. Remember I was the one next to you when you screamed your lungs out after watching Tom Cruise in that entry shot of Vanilla Sky, You Moron!!!..And Talk about screaming at 3 am in the morning!!!

6. And that look of bliss, that one comes when you successfully stifle a yawn. And when we actually miss stifling we drop our pens rather unobtrusively. Bend down,yawn,pick up the pen and sit up. Come on,After all we have a
reputation to maintain..

7. Sorry about disturbing you with the questions. Most of them even we don't know what we are asking...When someone jostles us from sleep(Oh Yes !You. You back bencher, by passing notes or creaking the furniture or by chatter and giggles.), it's our reflex action to create a question from the last technical term that pops up in the subconscious...
eg: Madam,Do you think the electrical energy in the motor can be harnessed in a more efficient way by working on the coefficient of friction in the windings??
See it made sense to no one in particular...

8. Most importantly if you are actually in the mood to study(read the day after new year/resolution),there is nothing to come between you and the educational system. Not even the rustic benches and desks...

Back Benchers we are sorry for keeping you all in the dark. We are just like you...Around to have fun, make friends and in process learn [enough to land up a job with plush salary..]..We are not really no-fun people..
We are just into an unconventional way of having fun sitting right under the nose of the teacher..

P:S: NOM to any of my teachers. I believe in holistic education. More than what the text books can teach or one can cram up to clear the papers..

Saturday, January 28, 2012

When I got published…



I will cut the long story short (Because I'm too excited for words). Some time last year, I had mailed the publishers “Burnsidewriters.com” a short story. I got an acknowledgement informing me that the story was accepted and “read”. I was glad that it did not go unrecognized like my resume almost always does.

Last week, totally out of the blue, the Associate Editor mails me informing me of the publishing date. It came out on Jan 22nd.And I jumped up and down the entire house.

Here is the link to the short story

Thank you Burnside Writers, you made my year.


P.S: Call it life’s satire Jan 22 also happens to be my wedding anniversary.

Monday, January 16, 2012

My "Purple Splash"



I have decided friends- to let go. It is not worth holding on to or so I understand. I can give in and curl comfortably in it's folds like I have done till date. I can tell myself,” Let’s have fun today and leave tomorrow to take care of itself.”
But for now,Sorry Extra Kilos! Bye, bye.

I am an inspired woman you see. It’s still January and I’m determined to lose some weight this year also. As a first step I purchased Nike running shoes in white and purple (Such a waste of money the cynic in you would say. The cynic in me did say this and  keeps repeating it like a radio). I actually wanted a black with purple but couldn’t find any. Well, before you make that face let me tell you proudly-I did go for a jog wearing it. Well, actually a brisk-walk if you want the truth. Here is the conversation I had with the sales man at the Nike store.

Mr. Salesman: “Hello madam, how may I help you?”

Me (Yours truly trying to sound totally serious.): “Well, I am looking for shoes for Gym and running.”

Mr. Salesman: “Madam if you are talking about the Marathon training then I can suggest this one...”
(Looked like he really took me seriously)

Me:” Err…I don’t do marathons. I was talking about jogging you know”
(Actually I  don't do anything.I am making an effort buddy.Don't embarrass me!)

Mr. Salesman:” This one works perfectly well for jogging as well. But Madam
do you jog for more than 5 days a week? A longer time might require a totally different design.”

Me (cringing inwardly): “I jog probably 2-3 times a week.”

Mr.Salesman:”Madam if it’s more than three hours continuously…”

Me (shamefacedly):”Friend, let’s talk in terms of minutes. Like twenty minutes or thirty minutes on a day, you know.”

Well, by the end of the conversation he got the drift. If he felt like laughing out aloud he did not show any such emotions. Or may be he has too many people like me in this January that it doesn’t sound so funny to him anymore.

I picked this lovely pair of shoes and walked out of the show room with my pocket few dollars lighter and feeling few kilos lighter.
I call her my "Purple Splash"

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Another Letter Is On The Way


Dear Nicholas,

Come December and every damn person on earth is mailing you for things they want. But trust me (just this once) this mail is not about “All I want for Christmas”. Yes, you can sport a big smile and let out off that “ho-ho-ho-ho” laugh of yours. Even Archangel Gabby has laughed in front of me.

Christmas is a season of good spirit, good cheer, good wine, good food and in general it is about everything good and nice. It means I can polish off a bottle of good wine without thinking about saving for tomorrow or about the bill that came with it or for that matter someone judging my alcoholic tendencies, after all it’s Christmas. It is the merriest time of the year, the weather nice and cool and celebrations are all around us.

Let us not forget it is also the time of caring- Of sharing love and joy with our loved ones. It is the time for sharing. It is a time when the privileged share their love, food and wealth with the less privileged.

I wonder how you manage this. Getting gifts for all? Do you fall short of gifts? Are there gifts that you are unable procure? You know the ones you cannot get even on Amazon. What do you do then? Do you buy consolatory gifts?

This year I thought I’ll share some things I have for which I have no use but some less privileged soul might have a better use. There are not many, just a couple of them. Oh, you can thank me later. Here’s the list:


  • Not everyone in this world is healthy like us. I mean like you and me to be more precise. I’m sure you have felt the same when you have those models on FTV.What is it without some belly fat I tell you -Ho Ho. And I hear some people are trying really hard to put on some weight. I have around 5-8 kilos on me which you can give to those skinny unhealthy girls on FTV.I can live without it.Really.God knows they need some flesh on them. Off course, some dresses would look quite loose on me but then I won’t complain.  Its Christmas time and one should not be selfish.
  • I am sure some poor kid in a poor country must have asked you this, ”Oh Santa, please bring a TV so that I can watch Tom and Jerry every Sunday or at least make sure Dada gets some extra money from his boss so that he can buy us one. And I promise I will never never be a bad boy. I will share my chocolates with Lil Sarah.”
I have one at home. I never watch it. My husband watches it too much (like his life and the energy of the universe depended on it). Please take it for that little boy.

  • I have a lot more stuff with me that I would love to share but then who needs bad memories. Instead do you mind giving a little extra love to those innocent little children who have no family? God has bestowed me with loads of love and I don’t mind sharing it with others.


You have couple of days more to think about them. Just in case you are running out of ideas or gift you are free to use the items I have offered. Santa; Merry Christmas to you too! Let me get back to work. Unlike you, rest of us have to work around the year to earn a vacation during Christmas. You get back to wrapping those gifts.

XOXO
Blue Lotus

P.S: I know you have featured me in Naughty Souls list. Yeah, I figured that out myself or well, may be I have my sources Nicky. Listen, I’ve had wicked thoughts and words and some times actions as well. Some people deserved all that and more. Humphhh.

P.P.S: Since you won’t be gifting me anything I gifted myself a Kindle Touch. No Grinch can steal my Christmas from me. She was christened “Swan”.

Dear Readers,

Joyeux Noel!*

Lots of Love
Blue Lotus



(*) - That's "Merry Christmas" in french.I had to show off! :-D

Friday, December 9, 2011

When life taught me a lesson or two


A few things life taught me last month

  • There has never been a good work and a bad break.
  • If you think today is and will be the worst workday of your entire life, honey, tomorrow is just around the corner.
  • I used to like the idea of limits as in "Stretching your limits at work”. Well, mine tore last week.
  • Staring at your French teacher doesn’t essentially make you a French maestro but then it might make up for a bad workday if your teacher is cute like mine.*
  • When you think “What can go wrong now?” and then give yourself the luxury of a smile,” He” shows you “How things can go wrong now.”Tada! (Each time shit happens I know  God was bored of his life and decided to have some fun at my cost.)
  • It's a sin to shop and you pay the real price only when you shift homes.
  • My clothes have lost weight and have shrunk to a size 0.Off course I don't fit in them as I did not shrink like them traitors. I know it people. Something is seriously wrong.
  • Feign illness when you need a break from work. Nobody asks for medical certificates when a woman says she is having her bloody periods.
  • When you are absolutely tied up with loads of work you can take the liberty of snorting at anybody.Even your boss.

Now you know why I went missing. I had a horrible work “month” and in between this I shifted to a new place.I missed blogging and the blog world.You will find me leaving comments on posts even you have forgotten.Please bear with this erratic creature

P: S: Last time I counted I was working on nine projects. I stopped counting.
* Oh Yeah, I’ve been waiting to talk about him. He is super cute and has this incredibly beautiful pair of blue-grey eyes.I am pretty sure he is not gay.Fingers crossed.