Happy Birthday to me!!

This Monday I celebrate my birthday. Don’t ask me which one. I won’t tell you because I myself have not come in terms with the number and it being on the really wrong side of 20’s is not helping either. It is on new year’s time and birthdays that one actually ponders over the big question.” What is the purpose of all this?” I mean, why do I exist even? The world might not become a better place without me; it definitely is not a great one with me as well. Then since it is your birthday you decide to be magnanimous, with a pat on the back conclude,” Off course to the world I might be one among them, but to some people I am the world”.

With my epic proportions I am capable of looking “the world” within five feet of anyone but then just how much does my life revolve around someone or someone’s life revolves around me? There has been a time when every single movement of mine was decided by someone. I had ditched books and music. I could actually wake up early to go for a walk. This is the nice part. But now I realize some women (me included) has this annoying habit of forgetting themselves in love. Giving up who you are is not exactly my perceived idea of love. Even when I was vocal about temporary-identity-loss-when-cupid-strikes, I myself was lost for a long time. For around a decade I have been in and out of love and all the while I have been a puppet.

After burning me in love I learnt the biggest lesson a girl should’ve known all the while,’ never, ever forget that you always need to find time for yourself and to live for yourself.”

Love is one thing; commitment is a totally different.Committing oneself to relation does not mean you need forfeit your passions or loves. If you have to redefine who you are for someone, think about it, is it worth all that? Someone might just love you for what you are.

So in the last “X” number of years I will summarize what I have learnt

• Life is not at all fun. But then you got to live it
• Nobody is completely euphoric. All of the smiling people you meet on road have problems, most probably bigger ones much more complicated than yours
• Being in love is wonderful. Please put your feet firmly on the ground and make sure your head is available over your shoulder. Otherwise you will have to risk a lot of heart aches.
• Your parents were and are always right. You got to give to their age. The only time they were wrong was when they said “Looks like 83 world cup is the only one India would ever!”
• Pink, Purple, Red. I love them. But there are more colors to this world. (If you had met me in the first decade of my life you would’ve been convinced that I was blind to all colors except Red.)
• Life is a full circle. What goes from you comes back to you. So keep away evil thought, words and actions.
• Keep your Girlfriends close. Real close. No one rushes to you like them and no one can bitch like they can about your ex. That ring of friendship is your personal amulet against all the evil in the world.Guys; I don’t have any advices for you. For once I accept gritting, men handle bad relationships better than most women.

Of late, I despise the crooning girls in buses and the really loud giggles for attention. I glare at boys with jeans hanging on their bums. I shake my head when I see school girls with eyeliners and gloss. I wrinkle my nose at teenagers holding Valentines Day cards; shouldn’t they be enjoying life than worrying about tough things like love?

Then I giggled, not very loud though. I’ve been them. The girl of thirteen, trying out eyeliner and the pudgy teenager who giggled loudly in buses at the sight of cute boys. I had lived through that and survived. May be that is the way it should be. Experience , after all is not available on discount sale. You just got to pay for the damn thing.

P: S: I have asked him not to celebrate my birthday; I think with all the candles I won’t be able to see the cake. Worse I might get a panic attack. Whatever happened to graceful ageing and idolizing Nafisa Ali (I had said that when I was fifteen to my aunt. Cheriamma, please forgive my ignorance. Ageing is not easy for women. I understand and appreciate your efforts)

P: S: I am not personally shy of receiving gift/s. Please let me know, I’m ready to share the postal address.