Saturday, September 24, 2011

The way we are

I was reading Red’s post and the comments on it. I clutched the left side of my stomach to alleviate the pain from laughing .Men; I tell you. But suddenly I realized I wanted men to be the way they are. Why? So that I can nag them. After all nagging acts as an anti-depressant in many women.
On days I return home late I am no less bitchy than Rohini Hathangadi’s character in Chaalbaaz .I mean you work like a slave and then travel an hour and a half to home, come on, give that to me, I should be depressed. Even if you don’t agree I am .Now that you are familiar with my general mood on days like that read on about the imaginary account of an evening like that.

I must’ve sinned so badly last time, why else would I end up in this lousy job? Why else would I be miles away from my family? Most importantly why should I have a home which looks like an infant day care by the end of the work week? It is not my fault. The baby boy in the house is to be blamed.
I know what awaits me when I enter the house. Clothes strewn over the hall as if they themselves will walk and make their way to the washing machine. Filthy kitchen with dishes piled to top. The “baby boy” of the house lounged in front of the idiot box like the house cat in some face book video I saw last week.
I struggle through office juggle through house work and all I get is this!!! May be getting married was a mistake.

I open the door half expecting the blare of the idiot box.No.Nothing.It’s peaceful. I look at the shoe stand, everything in place .No; there are not any filthy socks hiding in the shoes. Bewilderment would’ve been an understatement. The clothes are in washing machine. Even the cushions are in place, tucked neatly in order.
Ha! I’m sure the kitchen is filthy .Men; they are lousy when it comes to dishes.
“Booom Daaam” .That my readers, was my heart .The food is cooked and neatly placed in one corner. The kitchen sink is clean, the vessels washed and dried. The kitchen emanates a pleasant smell of spices. Is this my own home? Did I get into the wrong house?

I hear a cacophony in the bathroom. I recognize the unmistakable source of the cacophony. So this is my home indeed. I am actually a little happy. I snort for the effect. I know he would be showering with out using soap. Don’t ask me the logic. Apparently when women use the words shower and bath interchangeably, men don’t. Shower doesn’t necessarily include the usage of soap or rigorous scrubbing. But then, now that you are in the bathroom stripped and under the shower why not use some soap? Beats me.

I patiently wait for the red carpet arrival of the city-cave-man. I had to talk to him to about the importance of soap in a marital life. Much to my dismay he comes out in a fresh shirt and shorts, smiling, smelling of “Chandrika” soap. I cross my brows in disappointment. How could he deny me the simple pleasure of nagging him?

“Long day eh? I’ve kept the geyser on. Go take a bath. I’ll keep dinner ready by the time you come out. Want some wine?”

I want to scream. I refrain. I say grumpily,” No, I don’t drink on workdays and especially on Wednesdays.” I wait for him to remind me of the bottle I finished yesterday. “

“Okay.” I can only sigh at the non-provocative remark.

I take a long bath and have my dinner in silence. I wait for him to say something so that I can snap. No, he doesn’t fall for it. The man has finally learned when to keep his mouth shut.

After dinner he offers to clean up. Another lost chance at nagging. I am tucked in to bed and he sleeps at his side of the bed .I am frustrated .I was waiting to take it out on him and here he was not giving me a chance.

“Khurrr Khurr Khurr.” I sit up in the bed and shout.” How many times have I told you not to snore! I cannot sleep. I cannot sleep at all .I have to work in office late and I don’t get a peaceful moment of sleep.”

That felt so much better .I slide to a dreamless slumber.

P: S: I am far from perfect .Yet I nag my husband on mundane things. Over the last two years we have fallen into a rhythm. Now there are lesser things to fight about. We understand each other in some strange ways. Women like to nag and at times I feel men like to be nagged too. And yeah, I wish my house looks like the way I have described when I get back from work.


  1. oh you just let us know a classified secret :P

    enjoyed it! good read :)

  2. hahahahahahaahhahahahah....This is so true!I hate it too when things get too perfect. Whats the fun i that?
    Poor husband of yours would have taken an oath never ever to do things in a good and proper way and be an absolute goody boy :P

  3. But when your man is perfect he expects the same from you. The countless suggestions on how things could be done can drive you up the wall!

    So what's the moral of this gyaan? Ever man is imperfectly perfect :)

  4. ohh...wat a lovely post...& I being a man can say that man like being nagged...
    I would never want to be the man that u described....would come back again...

  5. Oh.. while reading.. in the mid way, I thought ur or his mother had come to visit.. coz it was unbelievable to expect a man to be like this!! Cute post!!

  6. what a post!! after more than a decade of being married, i am yet to see a day that sounds even remotely like the one you've mentioned here!! loved it !

  7. Contrary to what I have written in my blog post, What Wife Want, I actually give my wife a lot of valid reasons to nag me, and she nags and nags. But when I do things right every thing is quiet, which we both hate!!

  8. @Pranab: Some Women cannot keep secrets... :D
    @RH : You bet.If men turned perfect I'd rather die.
    @Purba: Ha,I never thought about the issues in having a perfect husband.When I have a little girl,I'll tell her not to pray for "perfect husband" but pray for a "cranky loving husband".

  9. @Souumyadeep: I had guessed that haha.."Men like to be nagged"..
    @KP: This is an imaginary account.The husband is a perfect stimulant to extricate nags from even "Sati Savitri"
    @Nirvana:Neither me.I wish , you wish..
    @Joshi Mukard: I hate it when life is silent too. Give me couple of squabbles you will see a content family..:D

  10. A very enjoyable post! Nagging has its own rewards..